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Don’t do stupid — like fall

Everyone is falling. Falling hurts your back, breaks your wrist, twists your ankle, messes up your pelvis.

Falling can give you a traumatic brain injury and put you in a wheel chair for the rest of your life.

I have examples.

If you fall, you may never recover. Dangerous places to fall:

+ Stairs, especially the last one, going down.

+ Wet leaves in the park.

+ Tripping over errant lamp cords.

+ Not taking your walker (especially if you need it).

The more I warn about “Don’t Do Stupid” and don’t fall, the more my friends fall.

I’m a jinx.

Useful tips

+ OpenTable.com is much better for getting reservations than calling the restaurant itself — which doesn’t answer, puts you on eternity hold, etc. Click here.

+  Travel agents are great. Susan and I are going to Italy and Russia in summer. It’s a complicated trip. Our fantastic agent, Barbara Freedman, is doing it all for us. She works with ProTravel in New York. Click here. 

+ WeTransfer is a great way of sending large files — when your email balks. It’s free up to 2GB. Works like a charm. Click here.

Pot stocks get hyped. This morning’s email:

Pottocks

This is total nonsense. The only people getting rich from pot are those promoting it. I know what they’re smoking.

I’m a sucker for great photos

SiberianTiger
This is a Siberian tiger lies on the operation table before stem cell surgery at the Szeged Zoo in Hungary. 

Don’t you just love the plastic tube keeping his mouth open.

For other great photos, click here. 

New hire at White House

Rudy

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)-The White House announced on Thursday that Donald Trump had successfully secured the services of Rudolph Giuliani, after an exhaustive search for an attorney with fewer clients than Michael D. Cohen.

“President Trump had become concerned in recent days that Mr. Cohen might be too distracted to pay full attention to his case, what with him having two other clients and all,” Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the White House press secretary, said. “So the search was on for a lawyer with zero clients, and with the hiring of Mayor Giuliani, the President believes he has hit the jackpot.”

Speaking to reporters, Giuliani agreed that, by virtue of having three fewer clients than Cohen, he was uniquely qualified to give Trump his full attention. “There is absolutely no chance of my ever putting him on hold,” Giuliani said.

While the former New York mayor’s hiring got high marks from Trump’s inner circle, it drew a bitter reaction from Chris Christie, the former governor of New Jersey, who angrily pointed out that he had not been considered for the job despite having as few clients as Giuliani. “Not only do I have absolutely no clients, I have even less going on, career-wise, than Rudy Giuliani,”

Is there sex in the after-life?

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact:

” Marian!”

“Is that you, Bob?”

“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”

“That’s wonderful! What’s it like?”

“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.. Then I have lunch (you’d be proud – lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it’s back to golf course again. Then it’s more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again”

“Oh, Bob! Are you in Heaven?”

“No — I’m a rabbit somewhere in South Carolina.”

HarryNewton
Harry Newton. I am a sucker for animal movies. This one is the best. The photography is brilliant and Morgan Freeman is superb. Great for kids. Watch it on your next plane trip. Or rent it on Amazon in HD for an amazing 99 cents. Click here.

MarchofthePenguins